PAPA ROACH THERAPY

- never wouldve thunk it - 

- papa roach produced a psuedo-prophetic depiction of my life - 

SCARS

i tear my heart open, i sew myself shut

my weakness is that i care too much

my scars remind me that the past is real

i tear my heart open just to feel

looking beyond the previous those earlier, defining years of my life; the past year point five has been, humans to ants, the most physical, spiritual, and mental convolution of myself in comparison to other 93.33...% of my existence [im roughly 22.5]. i've spanned the coordinative extremes of the X-Y-Z components, the modular trifecta of the human being.

X - physical (kind of resembles a human being)

Y - spiritual (trinity aspect with ascending arms)

Z - mental (representative of me, i'm sorta mental)

---feel free to establish your own trifecta of human components---

---its actually interesting to graph your state of being in 3D---

i can recall the respective, proverbial mountain tops and dark valley of each  anthropomorphic, coordinative combination, and every other possible tri-vectal fusion (6 others specifically). reaching the highs, stooping into the lows, and contorting to the other awkward arrangements. the rapid, unpredictable translocations of my being to thes numerous coordinative locations, has left me numb to each respective attribute of my persono*, bringing me to rest at the loci of (0,0,0). 

here i fetally watching the two epitomal** positions of elation (X,Y,Z) and despare (x,y,z) swarming in perfect spherical trajectories distorted by the  mutated orbits of the remaining six viable coalitions of points [(X,y,Z), (X,y,z),(X,Y,z), (x,y,Z), (x,Y,Z), (x,Y,z)]. The three vectors X, Y, and Z, usually and naturally are stable, but mine are not. they spin like a die*** where black and white fuse to gray.

---to much time on his hands---

at each of the eight loci, i can see a memory. memories of life consisting of those respective three values. they disappear even before they appear. the memories i can glimpse are marred by the impressions of others. they  congeal making a repulsive image of nothing, of ghosts.

its here i wait. waiting for the revolutions of my being to settle. so i can leave my fetal position, be reborn, be human, be me.

you see. its not the bad times that scare me. its my sessility**** in a world of chaos. i would rather be in utter despair (x,y,z) than at (0,0,0) where there is nothing. not that i strive for despair, i dream of elation (X,Y,Z),  the optimal trifecta, but that is not where i am at.

-I EXIST AT (0,0,0) -

- THE NOCTURNAL NIGHTMARE OF MY EXISTENCE -

- THAT OF INDIFERENCE -

NOTE TO READER:

there are many other ways which this song demonstrates my existence, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, some of which will be revisited

*persona looks feminine

**adjective form of epitome

***singular form of dice

****noun form of sessile